I Loved You So Much
by rfpizippy
Summary: Where Antonio and Lovino were dating, and it didn't turn out as well as Antonio expected... ((TW: Abuse)) ((Gakuen))
1. Chapter 1

We've only been dating for 11 months. It's been going by so fast. Our anniversary was tomorrow. What should I buy him? What should we do? What will he say?

The thoughts jogged in my mind, as I bent down and yanked the red tomato off of the long, green, vine. I wiped the sweat off my forehead and dropped the tomatoes into a small basket. I stood up and headed back to my house. I should call Lovino. No. He'll probably yell at me.

Again.

The last two months have been pain, and it's hard to admit. It's as if he let's out all his anger on me, even if it's not about me. If it was about his grandfather- that was slowly going insane, or his brother- who was _barely _home anymore, he'd complain to me about all this. I didn't particularly mind, until he started bossing me around, and hitting me if I said no. He's thrown all his sexual desires on me. I can't take it. I never was able to. And I never will.

"Antonio! Antonio! Fucking listen to me!" Lovino shouted, tugging at my sleeve. I try not to roll my eyes. As much as I love him, I could barely stand him. It was only second period of the day. I force a smile and turn to him.

"Yes, Lovi?" I ask, trying not to sound rude.

"You're gonna come to my house after school. Feliciano wont be here, and I'll be bored." He ordered. _You're gonna come to my house? What if I didn't __fucking__ want to?_

"Actually, Lovino, I'm going to-" I lied, but suddenly got interrupted by Lovino saying, "I don't care. You'll come over. Does it look like I give a shit?"

"I-"

"No, I don't." Lovino finished, separating halls with me. Things like this made me want to cry. _He's just not in a good mood. _I thought, as I walked into my classroom.

"Come here! Quick! Look!" Emma shouted, from across the room. Her red headband stood out from our dull uniforms. Emma was the only one who knew Lovino and I's problems. I actually went to her (and not Lovino) for my problems.

With a dull look on my face, I headed towards her. I sat down at the seat besides her. She looked around, suspiciously, and opened her palms. It was a tiny, white duck!

"Why do you have a _duck_!?" I shouted, trying to be as quiet as possible. She jerked her elbow to my forearm and whispered, "I found him on the way to school, and he looked injured," She turned the little duck around, pointing at it's foot. "So I decided to keep him for myself, and raise him to be a little, healthy, duck. Isn't that right, Waffle?"

"You named him after a _waffle_?" I said, with a small grin on my face. How _couldn't _I smile? Emma was holding a small duck, and she named it Waffle! Adorable.

"I.. I... She tried to find a reason to name him that. With a small shrug, she said, "'cause it was cute."

"Well, what're you gonna do now?" I asked, stroking Waffle with my index finger. He wasn't shy at all.

"Probably just... Take it home?"

"Throughout classes, dummy!"

"Oh.." Emma looked around. She obviously didn't think this one through. "I dunno."

I chuckle and bring my palm to my forehead. She was _so _ridiculous!

"Hey, can I say something?" I asked. She already knew it was going to be about Lovino.

"What?"

"Lovino... He just.. I.." When I started to talk, Emma's smile faded. She's always telling me to break up with him, but I just _can't. _It's as if he would yell at me if I said I just wanted to be friends. I always tell myself I'll break up with him, but I don't.

"You should just-"

"No!" I shouted. I sigh and say, "What ever. Let me borrow the homework, 'kay?"


	2. Chapter 2

After school, I did exactly what Romano ordered me to do. I tossed my backpack over my shoulder and pushed a headphone in my ear, then headed to Lovino.

"Hey Lovi." I said, once I saw him. I just wanted to drown myself in music and run away.

"What're you listening to?!" Lovino shouted. He yanked the headphone out of my ear, dismissing my greeting. It felt like a bullet to my heart.

To be honest, everything he does feels like a bullet to my heart.

Anyways, he popped the two headphones into his ears. Instead of asking what it was, he ripped it out of his ear and shouted, "What _is _this crap!? It's in _Spanish_! You still_ listen _to this!?" He looked like he was going to go insane. I tried to grab my iPod from his hands. "There must be _something _good on here." He said, pushing me away and flipping through the songs. Shit. It started to rain. He muttered something, as the rain poured. He was still flipping through my music.

"Lovino, please, give it back." I pleaded. I reached for my iPod, but he elbowed my rib and whipped the iPod onto the ground.

In a puddle.

My heart sank, as the iPod went black, after a short spark of light. My fingers curled into a fist, the tips getting white. I bend down quickly and grab the iPod. _No._

"Lovino." I mumble, trying to hold back the tears. It was one of those times where you break down at random moments, even if it was a dumb conflict. All the sadness, pain, and anger built up, and this is what happens. I had to let it all out.

"Come on, Antonio. I'm _starving." _Lovino said. He turned around, facing me. He slowly stepped over. I could tell he was hiding a smile. He pulls me into a loose hug. No. I don't need this. I can't have this. I have to go. I-

"Antonio! Fratello!" Shouted a familiar voice. It was Feliciano. He was wearing a grey unzipped hoodie with some design on it. He was holding Ludwig's hand. I guess Feliciano and Ludwig got together at the end of middle school, and they're still together. I'm impressed.

"Hey." I quickly say, wiping my eyes. I had to get out of here. I can't be around people, especially at this state.

"How are you?" Ludwig asked. His hair was perfectly gelled back. How the fuck did he do that?

"Good, I-" I say, but get interrupted by Lovino.

"Ack, get out of here, you filthy German. While you're at it, stay away from my brother." Lovino snapped. I could see the hurt in Ludwig's eyes. I can tell Ludwig is heavily in love with Feliciano.

I wish I was in love.

"Lovi-" Feliciano started to say, but I interrupted him.

"Lovino, I feel sick. Bye babe." I pat him on the shoulder and turn around. _Fuck._

"Wait!" Lovino shouted. I hysterically started to cough.

"I'm gonna puke-" I grip onto my stomach and run.

After being with him, I learned one thing, and that was how to lie.

"He _what?" _Emma said over the phone. There was unwrapping and the sound of eating. I was laying on my bed, my laptop on my chest.

"Yeah. And now I gotta get a new iPod."

"Your family is poor too." Emma said.

"Seriously. I'll probably have to get _another _job." I say. Last summer, it was my birthday, and the day after I was hired to a small coffee shop in the middle of town.

It was cute, small, and old looking. There were rows of books in the shelves inside of the walls and around the tables. The floors creaked from the age of the shop. The man who owns it is an old man with a heavy mustache, and he only reaches my chest. I usually go there to not only drink coffee, but to read or write.

"I can help you," Emma said. She couldn't do this.

"No, it's totally fine, don't worry about it Emma."

"Well, what're you doing now?"

"Drinking hot cocoa and sitting on my bed." I reply.

There was a pause.

"Want to play in the rain?" Emma asked.

Another pause.

"I'll be over in 15."


End file.
